Patience is a Virtue: Wait on the LORD

I was honored to preach this sermon at Living Hope Community Church on August 11, 2024.

Have you ever heard the phrase “patience is a virtue”?

The dictionary defines patience as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”

Dr. Charles Stanley defines patience as “the will to wait”.

Be still before the LORD, and wait patiently for him; do not fret over those who prosper in their way, over those who carry out evil devices.

Psalm 37:7

I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.

Psalm 40:1

It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

Lamentations 3:26

You don’t hear to many sermons on waiting. We live in a culture that values action. Seize the day. Go out and make something happen.

At best, our culture views patience as a necessary evil. At worst, I would say our culture hates patience.

We live in a culture that devalues patience, and values the exact opposite of patience – convenience. Instant gratification.

We have streaming television “on demand”. I don’t need to wait for a TV show to come on. I demand it now.

Don’t want to spend time cooking? We have Uber Eats, Grubhub, and Doordash so you can get a restaurant quality meal on your doorstep instantly.

We have Amazon Prime next day delivery, and now they even have same day delivery – I don’t even know how they do that, but you just hit a button on your phone, BOOM, same day it’s at your door. You don’t have to wait.

Our culture hates waiting. Studies show that if a website takes five seconds to load, 80% of people will click off of it and go to something else.

We live in a world where we won’t even wait five seconds for a website. Right? We want it now. It feels like agony to wait!

In the Bible, patience is also called “longsuffering”. Think about that. If you want something, but you have to wait to get it, you feel suffering. And if you have to wait a long time, it’s like suffering a long time.

Doesn’t sound very good, does it?

But the Bible says that longsuffering is a virtue.

Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; persevere in prayer.

Romans 12:12

Be patient in affliction. Nobody likes affliction. Why should we be patient in affliction?

The Bible shows us that God is a God of redemption. He doesn’t cause all of our suffering, but God is working in the suffering to bring good out of the bad. In other words, when you suffer as a Christian, it’s not in vain.

My brothers and sisters, whenever you face various trials, consider it all joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance complete its work, so that you may be complete and whole, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4

Endurance and patience are related. To be patient, gives you the strength to endure. It gives you the will to wait. And when you build up that endurance, when you have that strength, the Bible says you become complete and whole, lacking nothing.

The one who is impatient suffers because he can’t wait to get what he wants – he’s lacking that thing he desires. But the one who is patient is not lacking, because he’s content through the waiting process.

How do we become more patient? Surely, there are strategies and practices that can help you to build patience in your life. But the good news is, you don’t need to muster up patience by your own strength.

Galatians 5 describes what are called “fruits of the Spirit.” If you believe in Jesus Christ and you follow him as your Lord and Savior, you have the Holy Spirit working in your life. God has given you His Spirit to dwell inside of you and change your life, change your identity, change your very nature. 

When you allow the Holy Spirit to work within you, God will grow virtues in your life just like fruit growing on a tree. They’re called the fruit of the Spirit. And we see these listed here in Galatians 5:22-23.

By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things.

Galatians 5:22-23

Love. Joy. Peace. Patience.

Patience is a fruit of the Spirit.

I love the way the New Living Translations puts this. It says, “the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

Did you catch that?

Who produces the fruit of the Spirit in our lives?

God produces the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. God works through the Holy Spirit to grow these virtues in our lives. And that includes patience.

In other words, you don’t need to muster up patience by your own strength. God will grow your patience as you surrender your life to him. That doesn’t mean you do nothing. Patience requires faith on your part. Patience requires courage. Patience requires prayer. A lot of prayer.

But as we do these things, God will grow your patience. It may not always be easy. It may require discipline from God. It may require trials. But rest assured, it’s for your good. 

Sometimes when you pray, God will show you exactly what you need to do, all at once. More often, God will reveal one step. Only after you obediently complete that step, will God reveal the next step. Often, God will reveal his will for your life step by step. We feel frustrated because we just want to know everything God has planned for us, all at once. But God reveals his will slowly. It’s a journey that requires patience. But rest assured, it is for your good.

Sometimes when you pray, God will say yes. Sometimes he will say no. And sometimes he will say, not yet. We feel frustrated because we want answers now. But God is not in a hurry. He’s not in a hurry, but he’s never late. He’s a perfect God, and his timing is always perfect.

God’s will for your life will take time. The best things in life always do. Experiencing God’s will for your life is a lifelong journey, not an instant gratification. It’s not always easy. But rest assured, God’s will is for your good. Romans 8:28 promises us that.

Last Thanksgiving, my wife and I hosted a “friendsgiving” in Rhode Island. For those who don’t know, a “friendsgiving” is like Thanksgiving, but with friends invited, not just family.

For this friendsgiving, we made from scratch meat pies, shrimp, meat skewers, fried rice, jollof rice, beef empanadas, mac and cheese, candied yams, garlic green beans, bread buns, caramel budnt cake, and the star of the show: turkey wings. Not chicken wings. Turkey wings.

This took weeks of preparation. We had to drive up to a butcher in Malta to get the turkey wings because you can’t get turkey wings in Albany. Then the butcher didn’t have them, and I had to drive back a second time on a different day. We drove all the way to Rhode Island, and we made probably four or five trips to grocery stores to get everything we needed, and then we spent an entire day cooking before the friendsgiving event began.

It was incredible. One of the best meals I’ve ever had, and one of the best times with friends. It was a memory that will last a lifetime, and I cannot wait for Friendsgiving 2024 which may happen, if we’re not too burned out from the last one.

Now, we didn’t have to do all that.

We could have just ripped open a microwaveable TV dinner and called it a day.

Why didn’t we do that?

Obviously, that wouldn’t have been as good.

My point with this story is very simple. There will always be an easier, faster, more “convenient” way to do something.

But the best things in life take time. The best things in life require patience.

God grows patience in your life, because God wants the best for you. Patience is for your good.

There are many heroes in the Bible who learned patience.

Noah started building a boat – and a zoo – at least fifty years before the flood came.

Can you imagine? For literally fifty years, he’s got a boat sitting on dry land. No water anywhere in site.

His neighbors must have mocked him: “Hey Noah, why you got a boat on dry land?”

And Noah just had to say, “Rain is coming! It’s not here yet, but it’s coming!”

10 years later. Still no rain. 20 years. Still no rain. 30 years. 40 years later. Waiting. Waiting for what God promised to come to pass.

Sometimes, waiting on God will make you look stupid in the eyes of the world. Because the world doesn’t understand patience. The world doesn’t understand waiting on the LORD.

The world doesn’t understand that what God says will come to pass – not on your timeline, not when you want it to happen – but in God’s perfect timing, it will come to pass.

50 years of waiting. And then, all of sudden, one day, it began to rain. And Noah wasn’t looking too stupid anymore.

Patience.

How about Abraham? Turn to Hebrews chapter 6.

For example, there was God’s promise to Abraham. Since there was no one greater to swear by, God took an oath in his own name, saying:  “I will certainly bless you, and I will multiply your descendants beyond number.” Then Abraham waited patiently, and he received what God had promised.”

Hebrews 6:13-15

When Abraham started out, he was just a guy worshiping idols in Ur of the Chaldeans – also known as Babylon. But one day the one true God spoke to him, and said, “go to the land I will show you.”

Abraham didn’t know where he was going. He didn’t know why he was going. And he didn’t know how long it was gonna take.

We get frustrated because God doesn’t reveal everything all at once. He reveals his will step by step. All Abraham needed to know at first was one thing: go to the land. That’s step one. So Abraham obeys that step. He goes to the land, the land of Canaan, which would become the promised land.

And slowly, one step at a time, over the course of many years, God reveals more steps. God promises this land to Abraham and his descendants forever. There’s only one problem. Abaraham doesn’t have any descendants.

Patience. It’s not until Abraham is one hundred years old and his wife Sarah is ninety years old that Sarah gives birth to the promised son.

90 years old? Patience. God can work a miracle.

And this son of promise was Isaac, who became the father of Jacob, whose name was changed to Israel, and Israel had 12 sons, who became the 12 tribes of Israel.

Now one of those sons was named Joseph. Joseph was Jacob’s favored son, and he received a coat of many colors, a symbol of his father’s favor. Furthermore, Joseph had dreams which symbolized his brothers bowing down and serving him.

Sounds pretty good, right?

But there’s a problem. Joseph’s brothers become jealous. They throw Joseph into a pit, and sell him into slavery. Joseph becomes a slave in Egypt.

Then, to make matters even worse, Joseph is falsely accused of sexual assault, and thrown into prison.

In prison, Joseph meets the king’s cupbearer, who is also in prison, and he successfully interprets his dream. So he says to the cupbearer, “hey, when you get out here, put a good word in for me with the king, see if you can get me out of here.”

But when the cupbearer gets out of prison, he completely forgets about Joseph. So Joseph continues to rot in prison for years.

Finally, the king of Egypt has a dream, and somebody remembers, “hey, wasn’t there that prisoner who could interpret dreams?” So Joseph is brought before the king. And he says, “I can’t interpret dreams. But God can. God will give me the interpretation.”

Sure enough, God gives Joseph the interpretation. The dream means that there will be seven years of plenty, followed by seven years of famine.

The king is so impressed, he puts Joseph in charge of Egypt, and Joseph, knowing that seven years of famine are coming, starts stockpiling food.

Finally, the seven years of famine come. There’s no food in Canaan, where Joseph’s brothers are starving. So they come down to Egypt searching for food.

They hear that there is this incredibly powerful royal advisor to the king who was so wise that he stockpiled food, as if he somehow knew that the famine was coming. And they come before him – not realizing that it’s Joseph – and they bow down before him and beg him to give them some food.

And when Joseph sees his brothers bowing down before him, he is so emotional, he has to leave the room and go cry in the other room where they won’t see him. And he weeps uncontrollably.

And finally, when he reveals himself to his brothers, they embrace each other, and they reconcile, and it’s this beautiful scene that you can read about in Genesis 45.

In that moment, the promise that God made to Joseph in that first dream that he had – all the way back when he was a kid – came to pass. Scholars say it was 22 years between Joseph’s first dream, and it’s fulfillment. 

A 22 year long journey that involved suffering, slavery, imprisonment. But in the end, God’s promise came to pass.

Patience.

Turn to 1 Samuel 10. I want to end with one last record from the Old Testament.

In 1 Samuel 10, Saul is King of Israel. Israel is at war with the Philistines.

The prophet Samuel comes to Saul, and he says to him:

…you shall go down to Gilgal ahead of me; then I will come down to you to present burnt offerings and offer sacrifices of well-being. Seven days you shall wait, until I come to you and show you what you shall do.

1 Samuel 10:8

Now, read this very closely. God is speaking to Saul here through the prophet Samuel, and it’s very clear what God’s instructions are. Who is supposed to offer the burnt offerings? Samuel. What is Saul supposed to do? Wait seven days until Samuel arrives.

Samuel is supposed to make the offering. Saul is supposed to wait for Samuel. This is God’s instruction.

Now turn ahead to chapter 13.

Some Hebrews crossed the Jordan to the land of Gad and Gilead. Saul was still at Gilgal, and all the people followed him trembling. He waited seven days, the time appointed by Samuel, but Samuel did not come to Gilgal, and the people began to slip away from Saul.

1 Samuel 13:7-8

So Saul is waiting, like he’s supposed to. That’s good. But there’s a problem. Samuel is late.

So Saul said, “Bring the burnt offering here to me and the offerings of well-being.” And he offered the burnt offering. 

1 Samuel 13:9

Wait a minute. Saul wasn’t supposed to offer the burnt offering. Samuel was supposed to do it. Saul was supposed to wait for Samuel. But he got impatient. He got tired of waiting, so he went ahead and just did it himself. Something God did not instruct him to do.

As soon as he had finished offering the burnt offering, Samuel arrived, and Saul went out to meet him and salute him. Samuel said, “What have you done?” Saul replied, “When I saw that the people were slipping away from me and that you did not come within the days appointed and that the Philistines were mustering at Michmash, I said, ‘Now the Philistines will come down upon me at Gilgal, and I have not entreated the favor of the LORD,’ so I forced myself and offered the burnt offering.” Samuel said to Saul, “You have done foolishly; you have not kept the commandment of the LORD your God, which he commanded you. The LORD would have established your kingdom over Israel forever, but now your kingdom will not continue; the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart, and the LORD has appointed him to be ruler over his people because you have not kept what the LORD commanded you.”

1 Samuel 13:10-14

Wow. Impatience has consequences.

We need to take impatience seriously. We need to root out impatience from our lives.

Some of you are impatient with your wives.

Some of you are impatient with your kids.

Impatience is not just a bad habit. Impatience can be sin.

Because if patience is a fruit of the Spirit, then impatience is a work of the flesh.

When we are impatient, we are forfeiting a blessing. When we are impatient, we are forfeiting the opportunity to grow in endurance, and become perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

Saul and his descendants could have ruled the kingdom forever.

Instead, the kingdom was taken away from him.

With just a few hours of impatience, Saul forfeited eternal favor.

Impatience can ruin your life.

Saul could have ruled forever. Instead, he killed himself. That’s how Saul died. He killed himself, fleeing in terror from the Philistines.

All because Saul thought he knew better than God, what he needed to do.

See, I don’t care if you think you see a way to do something in your life that God is telling you to wait on. You might think, “It would be so easy to just DO it!” But if God is telling you to wait, then wait.

You might think it would be easy to just get married and hope that God blesses the marriage. But if God is telling you to wait, then wait.

You might think it would be easy to just start the business and hope that God blesses it. But if God is telling you to wait, then wait.

Saul’s kingdom was taken away from him, and it was given to man after God’s own heart – a man named David.

See, when David was just a little boy, the prophet Samuel anointed him and said, “You’re gonna be the next King of Israel.” But Saul held onto the kingdom was long as he possibly could.

David spent 14 years running for his life, hiding in caves because Saul was trying to kill him. All this time, David is supposed to be the King of Israel, but he didn’t actually become king for 14 years.

Patience.

The patience of David. The impatience of Saul.

We sabotage ourselves with our impatience. The blessings of God will come. We receive them through patience. We forfeit them through impatience. The choice is ours.

A pastor I know once said, “don’t bail before the blessings!” Don’t bail out of the boat, don’t run away before the blessings. The blessings will come. The payment required to receive them is patience.

Jesus lived about 33 years before his death, resurrection, and ascension. Of those 33 years, he only did ministry for 3.

30 years of waiting and preparation, for 3 years of ministry.

Patience.

What if God asks you to wait 30 years?

What if he asks you to wait 50 years, like Noah?

What if he asks you to wait 22 years, like Joseph?

Do you have what it takes?

In my life, God asked me to wait 12 years.

For 12 years, I prayed for a wife, every single day.

I prayed for a wife every single day, for 12 years. 

I don’t think I ever missed a day. If I did, I don’t remember it.

If you counted up all the prayers I ever prayed for a wife, it’s over 4,300 prayers.

I prayed over 4,300 times for a wife.

Year after year goes by, I’m like “when is it ever gonna happen?” Some of you remember, I’m even up here preaching a sermon on singleness.

Literally thousands of prayers after thousands of prayers.

And I’m exploding with joy to tell you that, at the right time, God answered. He answered with a woman so far beyond anything I could have expected or imagined – a woman beyond my wildest dreams.

I share this story not to boast about how patient I am, but to boast about how great God is. To my single brothers and sisters, don’t give up. Keep praying. Keep seeking. Keep waiting.

Patience is radical. Patience is counter-cultural. The world doesn’t respect patience. The world doesn’t operate that way.

But Jesus Christ came to turn this world upside down. We need to get on board with his program, the way his kingdom works. It’s not the way the world works!

Pastor Michael Todd once said, “The only thing harder than waiting on God, is wishing you had.”

Waiting on the LORD is hard. It takes patience, endurance, longsuffering. Waiting on the LORD is not easy. It is a difficult journey.

But you know what’s even more difficult? Not waiting on the LORD. Not waiting on the LORD might feel good for a moment, but in the long run, you will look back and wish that you had waited. And that is so much harder.

Let’s choose the better path.

Let’s choose the path of his blessing and favor.

Let’s wait patiently on the LORD.

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The Struggles and Blessings of Singleness

I was honored to preach at Living Hope recently on the topic of singleness and how to serve God as an unmarried person – a topic rarely discussed in the Christian church. Many Christians have an attitude toward singleness that is shaped more by culture than by scripture.  An incorrect view of singleness can make a single believer feel inferior, judged by other believers, jealous of those who are married, and doubting their ability to be used by God. But scripture presents a totally different view of singleness: balancing the struggles and benefits that are unique to marriage with the struggles and benefits that are unique to singleness, and showing how God uses both the married believer and the unmarried believer in equally valuable – though often different – ways.

If you’re married, you probably don’t think much about singleness. But it’s a topic that is very relevant. In the United States, singleness is one of the biggest demographic changes confronting the church. There are more single adults in the U.S. than there are married adults. There are more single adults today than at any time in history. This isn’t just because people are marrying less. It’s also because people are marrying later in life. From 1950 to the present, the average age at which people get married has steadily increased. New York has the highest average age of marriage, at slightly over 30 years old.

My generation – the millennials – is notorious for getting married much later than previous generations. There are many reasons for this. Obviously, many cultural, technological, and economic changes have occurred across the generations.  Right when we were graduating college, the Great Recession hit my generation hard, setting us back economically and leaving many feeling like they were not financially stable enough to sustain a marriage. Millennials have also had to move around a lot more, and change jobs a lot more frequently than previous generations, in order to become financially stable. This makes it harder to develop long-term relationships.

The high divorce rate of previous generations also had a huge impact on my generation. The divorce rate in the United States reached an all-time high in the early 80s and remained high into the 90s. Today divorce is in decline and the divorce rate is actually much lower, which is good news. However, the damage caused by divorces decades ago continue to ripple through the generations. Personally, I am blessed to have two parents who have been faithfully married for many years, and have given me and my brother an awesome example of what a godly marriage looks like. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for many of my peers. Many people of my generation grew up with parents who were divorced. I believe this has contributed to a general apprehension toward marriage in people of my generation, resulting in fewer marriages, and people marrying later in life.

But regardless of why these trends are happening, the fact is that singleness is a reality. It’s more common now than ever, and it’s more important than ever for Christians to have a biblical perspective on what it means to serve God as a single person. Our understanding of what it means to serve God as a single person must come first and foremost from scripture – not from culture, not even from “Christian culture”, but from scripture.

The Bible presents a counter-cultural view of marriage and singleness. Singleness as a Christian is totally different than singleness in the world. In the world, singleness is great because you can have sex with whoever you want without needing worry about the commitment of marriage. But as Christians, we believe that God designed sex for the marriage relationship only. Jesus said in Matthew 15:19, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts – murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” The word translated “sexual immorality” is the Greek word pornea from which we get the word “pronography”. It refers to any sexual activity outside of marriage. Biblically, extra-marital sex and pre-marital sex are both sin. For the Christian, the single life is, by definition, a celibate life. Therefore, single Christians have unique struggles that single people in the world may not have. These include sexual temptation, feeling judged by other Christians, worry about finding a spouse, jealousy toward those who are married, and doubt about their ability to be used by God.

In a 2017 survey of 7,000 Christian singles:

  • 76% reported that they often or constantly think about marriage.
  • 53% worry about finding a spouse.
  • 42% feel defined by the lack of a spouse.
  • 34% feel frustrated with God.
  • 58% feel discouraged.
  • 50% say they are tempted to idolize marriage.

Those who say they think about marriage often or constantly are:

  • 3 times more likely to say they feel discouraged
  • 5 times more likely to say they feel defined by the lack of a spouse
  • 2 times more likely to say they feel unable to do what God wants them to do
  • 3 times more likely to say they feel frustrated with God
  • 5 times more likely to say they feel worried about finding a spouse
  • 5 times more likely to say they are tempted to idolize marriage

Singleness is a big deal. It affects many people, and it’s more important than ever for the church to take a serious, biblical look at this topic.

Who should care about singleness?

  • Single people. This includes people of all ages. Not just those who are not yet married, but also those who are called by God to a life of singleness – and there is a strong biblical basis for that.
  • Divorced people. Those who didn’t expect to be single again, but unfortunately, they now find themselves single. They now have to grapple with the reality of living in unexpected singleness.
  • Widows. The Bible has a lot to say about widows, much more than we will have time to cover this morning. But it’s important to recognize that singleness is not just for young people! Rarely do 2 spouses die at the same time. If you are married, it is very likely you will eventually become single again. How to live as a single person later in life, and how the church treats widows, are important topics.
  • The entire church because we are created for and called to community.

 

Many assume the Bible has nothing to say about singleness. But both the Apostle Paul and Jesus Christ himself (both single) directly addressed the topic of singleness in their teachings.

Matthew 19:3-12 “Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?’And He answered and said, ‘Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.’ They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?’He said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.’ The disciples said to Him, ‘If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.’But He said to them, ‘Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.'”

The disciples found Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce difficult. The marriage commitment that Jesus requires is so such a serious commitment, that the disciples said “if that’s really the case, it’s better not to marry!”  But Jesus provides an alternative to marriage: celibacy. According to Jesus, marriage is “to whom it is given” (v. 11) but there are also some who choose celibacy “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (v. 12).

In his book Redeeming Singleness: How the Storyline of Scripture Affirms the Single Life, Barry Danylak writes:

“In using the term eunuch, Jesus meant more than someone simply not marrying but rather one’s setting aside the right of marriage and procreation. Jesus is suggesting that there are some who will willingly give up the blessings of both marriage and offspring for the sake of the kingdom of God…. The eunuch is an illustration of this. The eunuch was a model of devoted service because he was without the distractions of marriage and family. No personal family matters competed for his allegiances. He could afford complete, unhindered loyalty to his king and his king’s concerns… The historical figure of the eunuch was a model for what undivided loyalty to the king looked like in the ancient world.”

In his book 7 Myths About Singleness, Sam Allberry writes:

“In saying ‘If such is the case of a man and his wife, it is better not to marry’ (v. 10) the disciples complain that the marriage commitment sounds too hard. Jesus doesn’t contradict that. Marriage (as he presents it) is not easy. It is hard. It will not be the best path for everyone. That is why some choose to be like the eunuchs. Our starting point today is often the opposite. Celibacy sounds too hard, so we should make marriage more readily accessible, even redefining marriage so more people can enter into it. But Jesus’s thinking seems to go in the opposite direction. Marriage can be too hard for some, so he commands celibacy…. Jesus was a sexual human being, as we all are. But he lived a celibate lifestyle. He never married. He never even entered a romantic relationship. He never had sex. Jesus was not calling others to a standard he was not willing to embrace himself. He wasn’t calling singles to sexual abstinence while knowing nothing of it himself. He lived that very standard. But there’s more too it than that. Jesus is the example of a perfect man. He is the most complete and fully human person who ever lived. So his not being married is not incidental. It shows us that none of these things – marriage, romantic fulfilment, sexual experience – is intrinsic to being a full human being. The moment we say otherwise – the moment we claim a life of celibacy to be dehumanizing, we are implying that Jesus himself is only subhuman.”

One of the biggest myths about singleness is that the single life is inferior to the married life. But some of the greatest people of faith who ever lived – including the Apostle Paul and Jesus Christ himself – chose to give up marriage for the sake of the kingdom of God. Such a decision is certainly not inferior to those who choose to marry. Marriage is a wonderful gift from God, given to us for this present age. But marriage itself is not the end-all-be-all. Contrary to popular belief, the Bible teaches that marriage is not forever!

Jesus said in Matthew 22:30, “At the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” There will be no marriage in the age to come. Our culture looks at marriage as a “happily-ever-after” and a solution to all our problems. Such a view is common even within “Christian culture”. However, this is not a biblical view of marriage. To expect your spouse to fulfill all your hopes and dreams is to place a burden upon them that they cannot bear. It is idolatry because we are expecting from a spouse what only God can provide.

Marriage is an incredible gift and part of God’s beautiful and perfect design for family and the continuation of the human species. And it should be honored. But it’s not the end-all-be-all. We need to see through marriage to the greater truth it illustrates: the relationship between Christ and the church. The only marriage that is forever is the marriage between Christ and the church. All other marriages are temporary. Wonderful, purposeful, beautiful, but temporary.

The good news for singles is that, while marriage is very good, you don’t need to be married to find contentment. Contentment, joy, fulfilmnet, purpose – these things are available right now and they are only found in Jesus Christ. Jesus said in John 6:35, “Whoever comes to me will never be hungry. Whoever believes in me will never thirst.”

Paul addressed the topic of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7. Paul himself was never married. He devoted his life to serving the Lord. He is an example of one who chose a life of singleness for the sake of the kingdom of God.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 “Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

1 Corinthians 7:25-28 “Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.”

Paul’s attitude toward marriage is surprising – even shocking – for many believers. The advice Paul gives to single believers is almost the total opposite of much advice found in Christian literature today.

As Christians, we naturally want to affirm the goodness of marriage – especially if we feel that marriage is being attacked in our culture. However, it is possible to place so much value on marriage that it can become an idol. Idolizing marriage is a trap that single Christians easily fall into. After all, the single life can be lonely and difficult. It’s easy for single people to think that all their problems will be solved when they finally get married. We long for that “happily ever after”.

However, Paul presents a totally different view of marriage. According to Paul, “you will have trouble in this life” if you marry! (v. 28)

Now, it must be stated here that in no way is Paul anti-marriage! In other passages of scripture, Paul affirms the beauty of marriage, and even uses marriage as an illustration of Christ and the church. Paul is not against marriage. But Paul is realistic about marriage.

Christian culture today often embraces an unrealistic view of marriage – exaggerating its blessings to young singles while not preparing them for its struggles and challenges. If our expectations for marriage are unrealistically high, we may find ourselves woefully unprepared for the hard work that marriage requires.

In contrast to culture, the biblical view of marriage is sober and serious. According to both Paul and Jesus, the marriage commitment is a very serious commitment that is difficult for people to accept.

Many Christians have a negative attitude toward singleness, viewing it like a disease to be cured or a problem to be solved. The way singleness is defined – being “not married” – is inherently negative, yet rarely would define marriage as being “not single” although that is equally true! Many Christians view singleness as a bad thing, and marriage as a good thing. But Paul views both marriage and singleness as a “gift” (v. 7).

Some have interpreted the word “gift” in this verse to mean a unique power that God gives to only a few people, so they can withstand the struggle of being single, but nobody else can. But this kind of thinking is very dangerous. Single people who struggle with loneliness and a desire for marriage could easily conclude “I guess God just didn’t give me the ‘gift’ of singleness!” This thinking leads to sinful feelings of jealousy and envy toward married people, bitterness toward God, and it can even lead to sexual sin. A single person who is unhappy with their singleness may be tempted to engage in premarital sex, or marry someone who is not a believer or not a healthy partner.

When single people have a negative view of singleness, they may feel tempted to rush into a marriage that they know is not God’s will, just so they don’t have to be single anymore. An incorrect view of singleness can be extremely damaging to a person. It can even cause a watering down of the marriage commitment.

Feeling bad about being single is not a good enough reason to marry someone. A desire to have sex is not a good enough reason to marry someone. Marriage is a serious commitment and both partners must be sure the Lord is calling them to make this commitment.

The Book of Common Prayer puts it this way:

“[Marriage] is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly (to satisfy men’s carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts who have no understanding); but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God.”

The gift of singleness is not a calling for the select few. This may be shocking, but the truth is that ALL people are called to be single – at least for a season.

We are all called to be single until we are able to make the marriage commitment according to God’s will. For those who are not yet married, the reality is that until God calls you into marriage, you are called to be single!

You are going to be single in this season, whether you like it or not. But you have a choice in how you receive your singleness. You can choose to receive your singleness with feelings of inadequacy, bitterness, and jealousy – which are unhealthy feelings that lead to sin… OR you can choose to receive your singleness as a gift from God, and use it for God’s glory!

In his book The Meaning of Marriage Timothy Keller writes:

“Paul always uses the word ‘gift’ to mean an ability God gives to build others up… not some kind of elusive, stress free state. The ‘gift’ of being single for Paul lay in the freedom it gave him to concentrate on ministry in ways that a married man could not. Paul may have experienced what we today would call an ‘emotional struggle’ with singleness. He might have wanted to be married. He not only found an ability to live a life of service to God and others in that situation, he discovered (and capitalized on) the unique features of the single life (such as time and flexibility) to minister with very great effectiveness.”

There are many Christian books, articles, and teachings on singleness, and the vast majority of them focus on helping single people find a spouse. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it misses the point of what scripture is saying. There is so much focus on “finding a spouse” in Christianity today, that it can leave single people feeling inadequate, discouraged, feeling like they can’t be used by God until they find a spouse.

Paul writes to single people beginning in 1 Corinthians 7:25. If Paul wrote like many Christian writers today, you might expect him to write “To the unmarried I say, find a spouse as soon as possible!”

Shockingly, Paul doesn’t do this! He doesn’t encourage the single people to focus on finding a spouse. In fact, he almost does the exact opposite. Paul encourages the single person to focusing on serving God as a single person.

Obviously, there is nothing wrong with finding a spouse – Paul says in verse 28 that it’s not a sin to marry. But finding a spouse is not the focus of Paul’s advice. The focus is serving God in whatever state you’re in! If you’re married, serve God as a married person. If you’re single, serve God as a single person. The single life is not inferior to the married life.

In fact, single people have certain advantages that married people don’t have!

1 Corinthians 7:32-25 “But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”

Paul is not saying that marriage is bad or that marriage is not spiritual. In many other passages, Paul affirms the goodness and spirituality of marriage, and uses it as an illustration of Christ and the church. Paul’s point is that singleness is simpler than marriage. Marriage has many blessings that singleness doesn’t have. But marriage is also much more complex than singleness, and has many struggles that singleness doesn’t have.

When Paul says that married people are concerned with “worldly” things, he doesn’t mean that in a bad sense. He is simply saying that they have a responsibility for the physical needs of their spouse and family. This is a good thing! However, it also adds a whole new level of complexity to the life of the believer. Paul’s point is not that marriage is bad and singleness is good – he sees them as equally valuable. Rather, Paul is contrasting the complexity of marriage with the simplicity of singleness. The simplicity of singleness empowers the single believer toward “undistracted devotion to the Lord” (v. 25).

As he penned these words, Paul probably thought of his own life as a single person. He had the freedom to travel the world, preaching the gospel in many different places, enduring shipwrecks and imprisonment for the sake of the gospel. If Paul were married it would have been much harder – probably impossible – to do those things.

Paul is trying to shift our perspective – rather than viewing singleness as something bad and as a problem to be solved, we should view singleness as an opportunity for greater devotion to the Lord!

There is no question that single people have great freedom. The question is: how are we using that freedom? One of the greatest opportunities of the single Christian is also one of the greatest potential struggles: staying devoted to the Lord.

Single people have more freedom to go where they want to go and do what they want to do. But with this freedom comes the temptation to live self-centered lives. Christian community is key here. Paul writes in Romans 12:5, “So in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”

Christian community is not optional. If you’re a Christian, you are created for and called to community with other believers. The Apostle Paul describes the Christian church with the language of family, using the term “the household of God” for the church, and terms like “brother”, “sister”, “father”, “mother”, and “children” to refer to different members of the church. He never married and never had children, yet he called Titus “my true child” in Titus 1:4 and he called Timothy “my true child” in 1 Timothy 1:2.

The church is a family, so we ought to act like it. The church ought to look more like a large family unit, not merely a collection of individual family units that keep to themselves.

While all believers are called to Christian community, I would argue that single people have the greatest need to be included and to feel included in the church family. Young people who are not yet married desperately need to see examples of what godly marriage looks like. I was blessed to grow up with two parents who have been faithfully married for many years and have given my brother and I an amazing example of what a godly marriage looks like. Unfortunately, many young people today have never really seen what a healthy Christian marriage looks like. How are they going to be ready for marriage if they don’t have an accurate picture of it?

If you’re married, your marriage could be that example in the life of a single person. Reach out to the single people in your church. Invite them over for dinner with your family. Include them in the church community.

Single people like myself don’t have the intimacy and friendship that comes from a spouse, so it’s easy to feel lonely and isolated. However, being single doesn’t mean that you are doomed to feel lonely all the time. I’m going to let you in on a little secret: There is a way for single people to experience friendship and even intimacy with other people, without falling into sin. It’s called Christian community!

When single people have meaningful, healthy friendships with other believers, they are much less likely to seek out that intimacy in unhealthy relationships or sexual sin. Married believers: be intentional about welcoming single Christians into the church community and into your family. Single believers: seek after community, get connected with a church, and maximize your singleness!

It may not feel like it, but the time that you have as a single person is precious. It’s a gift. It’s an awesome opportunity! One day, if God calls you to marriage, your life will no longer have the freedom and simplicity that it has now. The precious time that you have right now – you will never have it back again. Will you have used it for God’s glory, or wasted it on selfish desires?

Don’t wait until marriage to start serving God. Serve God now. Serve God as a single person. The two greatest commandments are “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you’re not sure how to serve God, start with these commandments.

One thing that the Lord has called me to do is volunteer with an organization called the U.S. Committee for Refugees and Immigrants (USCRI). We work with refugees in the Albany area. These are folks who had to flee from their countries because of war or persecution. Many of them are from the Middle East, Southeast Asia, or the Congo. Some of them are Muslims. Many of them are Christians who suffered horrible persecution in their home countries. USCRI works with refugees who came through the legal immigration system and were given legal status by the U.S. government to start a new life in the U.S., and they came to settle in the Albany area. These refugees face many challenges and USCRI helps them to learn English, find housing, find jobs, and navigate the culture, the transportation system, and the healthcare system. My role is a patient navigator, meaning I provide transportation to take refugees to doctor’s appointments and I help them to understand and navigate the healthcare system. It’s hard enough for us as Americans to understand the healthcare system – now imagine if you just arrived in the country and you don’t speak English. The work I’m doing with USCRI has been extremely rewarding and I’ve seen the Lord use me to show the love of Christ to people who, as Jesus said in Matthew 25, are truly “whatever you did to the least of these, you did to me.”

But I definitely wouldn’t have the time to do this, if I had a wife and family. Of all the people who volunteer at the USCRI, the vast majority of them are single people. There is a reason for that!

To all the single people out there: Make use of this time while you have it! Don’t let it go to waste! Pray for God to give you opportunities, and to make known to you his unique calling for your life. There are many ways to love God and love others. For example:

  • You could serve in the church – with the video team, as an usher or greeter, in the children’s fellowship.
  • You could serve the homeless at a city mission or soup kitchen.
  • You could build houses with Habitat for Humanity.
  • You could go on a missions trip and preach the gospel around the world or around the country.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “I just graduated college, I’m working over 40 hours a week at an entry level job making almost no money, plus I have tons of college debt, and you’re talking to me about volunteering? Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

You may not think you have time. But you do have time. If you don’t think you have time now, wait until you’re married! Then wait until you have kids!

God often puts an act of service on our hearts, but we ignore it because we “don’t have time”. We feel busy and stressed constantly, but what are we actually doing? If we take an honest look at our lives, we might find that we spend a large percentage of our time pursuing entertainment and the things of this world. Rather than just assuming we “don’t have time” to serve God and love other people, maybe we need to re-evaluate how we spend our time. The Bible talks about “redeeming the time, for the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16). How could we re-arrange our lives to prioritize more time for serving God? This is an exercise all believers should do. But single Christians – being unencumbered by the responsibilities of a spouse and family – have the greatest opportunity to free up time for God.

When it comes to serving God, get creative. Think outside the box. For example, the next time a hurricane hits Louisiana, you could literally take one week off work, drive down there, rebuild people’s houses, make a huge impact on the lives of hurting people, and then come back. We often shrug these ideas off as “unrealistic” and “impossible”. However, there are many Christian organizations that want to help you do exactly these kinds of things. One I recommend is Samaritan’s Purse – you can volunteer with them and they handle all of the organization. They do incredible work to help rebuild people’s lives after disasters. And they are a Christian organization and they are outspoken about doing the work “in Jesus name”!

Could a married person do these things? Absolutely! But it’s a lot more complicated, especially if kids are involved. The beauty of singleness is the simplicity of singleness. Singleness opens up an incredible opportunity for single-minded devotion to the Lord!

In his book Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness and Dating, Marshall Segal writes:

“Marriage murders spontaneity – not entirely, but massively. One of your greatest spiritual gifts as a single person is your ‘yes’. Yes to a random phone conversation. Yes to coffee. Yes to help with the move. Yes to stepping in when someone’s sick… You have the unbelievable freedom to say ‘yes’ when married people can’t even ask the question. When the spouse doesn’t exist yet, you cannot hurt him or her with the selfless, impulsive decisions you make to serve others. If you get married, you will not always have the same freedom. Be willing to say ‘yes’ and be a blessing to others.”

The devil is always whispering in the ear of the single person, saying: “You are a failure. You will never be happy and you will never have fulfilment in life until you get a spouse.” That is a lie.

True fulfilment in life doesn’t come from a spouse. It comes from serving God and loving others.Don’t wait for a spouse to start serving God. Serve God now!

If you’re not yet married, I believe this is the time in your life when you need to develop your relationship with God the most. Too many people go into marriage with a weak relationship with God, hoping their spouse’s faith will somehow compensate for that. The truth is, your relationship with God must be strong now while you are still single, or you won’t be ready for the challenges of marriage to begin with. Your spouse cannot be a replacement for your relationship with God.

We are tempted to think “Once I get married, I’ll feel fulfilled.” But our spouse cannot be perfect and will always fall short. So then the temptation is to look to children for fulfilment, and think “Once I have kids, then I’ll feel fulfilled.” But once you have kids, you’ll say, “Okay, once the kids are grown and I don’t have to deal with them anymore, then I can finally relax and feel fulfilled!” We keep kicking the can down the road, looking for something in the future to bring us fulfillment. But we don’t need to do that. Fulfillment in life is available right now and it’s found only in Jesus Christ.

Throughout scripture we see story after story of individuals who found God satisfied them more than anything this world has to offer could possibly satisfy them! As Blaise Pascal once said, every person has a God-shaped hole inside of themselves, which only God can fill. As Augustine once said, we are restless until we find out rest in God.

Looking unto God with simple, single-minded devotion, the anthem of every believer should be: “All I want to do is serve God!”

 

 

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