I was honored to preach at Living Hope recently on the topic of singleness and how to serve God as an unmarried person – a topic rarely discussed in the Christian church. Many Christians have an attitude toward singleness that is shaped more by culture than by scripture.  An incorrect view of singleness can make a single believer feel inferior, judged by other believers, jealous of those who are married, and doubting their ability to be used by God. But scripture presents a totally different view of singleness: balancing the struggles and benefits that are unique to marriage with the struggles and benefits that are unique to singleness, and showing how God uses both the married believer and the unmarried believer in equally valuable – though often different – ways.

If you’re married, you probably don’t think much about singleness. But it’s a topic that is very relevant. In the United States, singleness is one of the biggest demographic changes confronting the church. There are more single adults in the U.S. than there are married adults. There are more single adults today than at any time in history. This isn’t just because people are marrying less. It’s also because people are marrying later in life. From 1950 to the present, the average age at which people get married has steadily increased. New York has the highest average age of marriage, at slightly over 30 years old.

My generation – the millennials – is notorious for getting married much later than previous generations. There are many reasons for this. Obviously, many cultural, technological, and economic changes have occurred across the generations.  Right when we were graduating college, the Great Recession hit my generation hard, setting us back economically and leaving many feeling like they were not financially stable enough to sustain a marriage. Millennials have also had to move around a lot more, and change jobs a lot more frequently than previous generations, in order to become financially stable. This makes it harder to develop long-term relationships.

The high divorce rate of previous generations also had a huge impact on my generation. The divorce rate in the United States reached an all-time high in the early 80s and remained high into the 90s. Today divorce is in decline and the divorce rate is actually much lower, which is good news. However, the damage caused by divorces decades ago continue to ripple through the generations. Personally, I am blessed to have two parents who have been faithfully married for many years, and have given me and my brother an awesome example of what a godly marriage looks like. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for many of my peers. Many people of my generation grew up with parents who were divorced. I believe this has contributed to a general apprehension toward marriage in people of my generation, resulting in fewer marriages, and people marrying later in life.

But regardless of why these trends are happening, the fact is that singleness is a reality. It’s more common now than ever, and it’s more important than ever for Christians to have a biblical perspective on what it means to serve God as a single person. Our understanding of what it means to serve God as a single person must come first and foremost from scripture – not from culture, not even from “Christian culture”, but from scripture.

The Bible presents a counter-cultural view of marriage and singleness. Singleness as a Christian is totally different than singleness in the world. In the world, singleness is great because you can have sex with whoever you want without needing worry about the commitment of marriage. But as Christians, we believe that God designed sex for the marriage relationship only. Jesus said in Matthew 15:19, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts – murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” The word translated “sexual immorality” is the Greek word pornea from which we get the word “pronography”. It refers to any sexual activity outside of marriage. Biblically, extra-marital sex and pre-marital sex are both sin. For the Christian, the single life is, by definition, a celibate life. Therefore, single Christians have unique struggles that single people in the world may not have. These include sexual temptation, feeling judged by other Christians, worry about finding a spouse, jealousy toward those who are married, and doubt about their ability to be used by God.

In a 2017 survey of 7,000 Christian singles:

• 76% reported that they often or constantly think about marriage.
• 53% worry about finding a spouse.
• 42% feel defined by the lack of a spouse.
• 34% feel frustrated with God.
• 58% feel discouraged.
• 50% say they are tempted to idolize marriage.

Those who say they think about marriage often or constantly are:

• 3 times more likely to say they feel discouraged
• 5 times more likely to say they feel defined by the lack of a spouse
• 2 times more likely to say they feel unable to do what God wants them to do
• 3 times more likely to say they feel frustrated with God
• 5 times more likely to say they feel worried about finding a spouse
• 5 times more likely to say they are tempted to idolize marriage

Singleness is a big deal. It affects many people, and it’s more important than ever for the church to take a serious, biblical look at this topic.

Who should care about singleness?

• Single people. This includes people of all ages. Not just those who are not yet married, but also those who are called by God to a life of singleness – and there is a strong biblical basis for that.
• Divorced people. Those who didn’t expect to be single again, but unfortunately, they now find themselves single. They now have to grapple with the reality of living in unexpected singleness.
• Widows. The Bible has a lot to say about widows, much more than we will have time to cover this morning. But it’s important to recognize that singleness is not just for young people! Rarely do 2 spouses die at the same time. If you are married, it is very likely you will eventually become single again. How to live as a single person later in life, and how the church treats widows, are important topics.
• The entire church because we are created for and called to community.

 

Many assume the Bible has nothing to say about singleness. But both the Apostle Paul and Jesus Christ himself (both single) directly addressed the topic of singleness in their teachings.

Matthew 19:3-12 “Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?’And He answered and said, ‘Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.’ They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?’He said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.’ The disciples said to Him, ‘If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.’But He said to them, ‘Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.'”

The disciples found Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce difficult. The marriage commitment that Jesus requires is so such a serious commitment, that the disciples said “if that’s really the case, it’s better not to marry!”  But Jesus provides an alternative to marriage: celibacy. According to Jesus, marriage is “to whom it is given” (v. 11) but there are also some who choose celibacy “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (v. 12).

In his book Redeeming Singleness: How the Storyline of Scripture Affirms the Single Life, Barry Danylak writes:

“In using the term eunuch, Jesus meant more than someone simply not marrying but rather one’s setting aside the right of marriage and procreation. Jesus is suggesting that there are some who will willingly give up the blessings of both marriage and offspring for the sake of the kingdom of God…. The eunuch is an illustration of this. The eunuch was a model of devoted service because he was without the distractions of marriage and family. No personal family matters competed for his allegiances. He could afford complete, unhindered loyalty to his king and his king’s concerns… The historical figure of the eunuch was a model for what undivided loyalty to the king looked like in the ancient world.”

In his book 7 Myths About Singleness, Sam Allberry writes:

“In saying ‘If such is the case of a man and his wife, it is better not to marry’ (v. 10) the disciples complain that the marriage commitment sounds too hard. Jesus doesn’t contradict that. Marriage (as he presents it) is not easy. It is hard. It will not be the best path for everyone. That is why some choose to be like the eunuchs. Our starting point today is often the opposite. Celibacy sounds too hard, so we should make marriage more readily accessible, even redefining marriage so more people can enter into it. But Jesus’s thinking seems to go in the opposite direction. Marriage can be too hard for some, so he commands celibacy…. Jesus was a sexual human being, as we all are. But he lived a celibate lifestyle. He never married. He never even entered a romantic relationship. He never had sex. Jesus was not calling others to a standard he was not willing to embrace himself. He wasn’t calling singles to sexual abstinence while knowing nothing of it himself. He lived that very standard. But there’s more too it than that. Jesus is the example of a perfect man. He is the most complete and fully human person who ever lived. So his not being married is not incidental. It shows us that none of these things – marriage, romantic fulfilment, sexual experience – is intrinsic to being a full human being. The moment we say otherwise – the moment we claim a life of celibacy to be dehumanizing, we are implying that Jesus himself is only subhuman.”

One of the biggest myths about singleness is that the single life is inferior to the married life. But some of the greatest people of faith who ever lived – including the Apostle Paul and Jesus Christ himself – chose to give up marriage for the sake of the kingdom of God. Such a decision is certainly not inferior to those who choose to marry. Marriage is a wonderful gift from God, given to us for this present age. But marriage itself is not the end-all-be-all. Contrary to popular belief, the Bible teaches that marriage is not forever!

Jesus said in Matthew 22:30, “At the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” There will be no marriage in the age to come. Our culture looks at marriage as a “happily-ever-after” and a solution to all our problems. Such a view is common even within “Christian culture”. However, this is not a biblical view of marriage. To expect your spouse to fulfill all your hopes and dreams is to place a burden upon them that they cannot bear. It is idolatry because we are expecting from a spouse what only God can provide.

Marriage is an incredible gift and part of God’s beautiful and perfect design for family and the continuation of the human species. And it should be honored. But it’s not the end-all-be-all. We need to see through marriage to the greater truth it illustrates: the relationship between Christ and the church. The only marriage that is forever is the marriage between Christ and the church. All other marriages are temporary. Wonderful, purposeful, beautiful, but temporary.

The good news for singles is that, while marriage is very good, you don’t need to be married to find contentment. Contentment, joy, fulfilmnet, purpose – these things are available right now and they are only found in Jesus Christ. Jesus said in John 6:35, “Whoever comes to me will never be hungry. Whoever believes in me will never thirst.”

Paul addressed the topic of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7. Paul himself was never married. He devoted his life to serving the Lord. He is an example of one who chose a life of singleness for the sake of the kingdom of God.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 “Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

1 Corinthians 7:25-28 “Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.”

Paul’s attitude toward marriage is surprising – even shocking – for many believers. The advice Paul gives to single believers is almost the total opposite of much advice found in Christian literature today.

As Christians, we naturally want to affirm the goodness of marriage – especially if we feel that marriage is being attacked in our culture. However, it is possible to place so much value on marriage that it can become an idol. Idolizing marriage is a trap that single Christians easily fall into. After all, the single life can be lonely and difficult. It’s easy for single people to think that all their problems will be solved when they finally get married. We long for that “happily ever after”.

However, Paul presents a totally different view of marriage. According to Paul, “you will have trouble in this life” if you marry! (v. 28)

Now, it must be stated here that in no way is Paul anti-marriage! In other passages of scripture, Paul affirms the beauty of marriage, and even uses marriage as an illustration of Christ and the church. Paul is not against marriage. But Paul is realistic about marriage.

Christian culture today often embraces an unrealistic view of marriage – exaggerating its blessings to young singles while not preparing them for its struggles and challenges. If our expectations for marriage are unrealistically high, we may find ourselves woefully unprepared for the hard work that marriage requires.

In contrast to culture, the biblical view of marriage is sober and serious. According to both Paul and Jesus, the marriage commitment is a very serious commitment that is difficult for people to accept.

Many Christians have a negative attitude toward singleness, viewing it like a disease to be cured or a problem to be solved. The way singleness is defined – being “not married” – is inherently negative, yet rarely would define marriage as being “not single” although that is equally true! Many Christians view singleness as a bad thing, and marriage as a good thing. But Paul views both marriage and singleness as a “gift” (v. 7).

Some have interpreted the word “gift” in this verse to mean a unique power that God gives to only a few people, so they can withstand the struggle of being single, but nobody else can. But this kind of thinking is very dangerous. Single people who struggle with loneliness and a desire for marriage could easily conclude “I guess God just didn’t give me the ‘gift’ of singleness!” This thinking leads to sinful feelings of jealousy and envy toward married people, bitterness toward God, and it can even lead to sexual sin. A single person who is unhappy with their singleness may be tempted to engage in premarital sex, or marry someone who is not a believer or not a healthy partner.

When single people have a negative view of singleness, they may feel tempted to rush into a marriage that they know is not God’s will, just so they don’t have to be single anymore. An incorrect view of singleness can be extremely damaging to a person. It can even cause a watering down of the marriage commitment.

Feeling bad about being single is not a good enough reason to marry someone. A desire to have sex is not a good enough reason to marry someone. Marriage is a serious commitment and both partners must be sure the Lord is calling them to make this commitment.

The Book of Common Prayer puts it this way:

“[Marriage] is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly (to satisfy men’s carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts who have no understanding); but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God.”

The gift of singleness is not a calling for the select few. This may be shocking, but the truth is that ALL people are called to be single – at least for a season.

We are all called to be single until we are able to make the marriage commitment according to God’s will. For those who are not yet married, the reality is that until God calls you into marriage, you are called to be single!

You are going to be single in this season, whether you like it or not. But you have a choice in how you receive your singleness. You can choose to receive your singleness with feelings of inadequacy, bitterness, and jealousy – which are unhealthy feelings that lead to sin… OR you can choose to receive your singleness as a gift from God, and use it for God’s glory!

In his book The Meaning of Marriage Timothy Keller writes:

“Paul always uses the word ‘gift’ to mean an ability God gives to build others up… not some kind of elusive, stress free state. The ‘gift’ of being single for Paul lay in the freedom it gave him to concentrate on ministry in ways that a married man could not. Paul may have experienced what we today would call an ‘emotional struggle’ with singleness. He might have wanted to be married. He not only found an ability to live a life of service to God and others in that situation, he discovered (and capitalized on) the unique features of the single life (such as time and flexibility) to minister with very great effectiveness.”

There are many Christian books, articles, and teachings on singleness, and the vast majority of them focus on helping single people find a spouse. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it misses the point of what scripture is saying. There is so much focus on “finding a spouse” in Christianity today, that it can leave single people feeling inadequate, discouraged, feeling like they can’t be used by God until they find a spouse.

Paul writes to single people beginning in 1 Corinthians 7:25. If Paul wrote like many Christian writers today, you might expect him to write “To the unmarried I say, find a spouse as soon as possible!”

Shockingly, Paul doesn’t do this! He doesn’t encourage the single people to focus on finding a spouse. In fact, he almost does the exact opposite. Paul encourages the single person to focusing on serving God as a single person.

Obviously, there is nothing wrong with finding a spouse – Paul says in verse 28 that it’s not a sin to marry. But finding a spouse is not the focus of Paul’s advice. The focus is serving God in whatever state you’re in! If you’re married, serve God as a married person. If you’re single, serve God as a single person. The single life is not inferior to the married life.

In fact, single people have certain advantages that married people don’t have!

1 Corinthians 7:32-25 “But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”

Paul is not saying that marriage is bad or that marriage is not spiritual. In many other passages, Paul affirms the goodness and spirituality of marriage, and uses it as an illustration of Christ and the church. Paul’s point is that singleness is simpler than marriage. Marriage has many blessings that singleness doesn’t have. But marriage is also much more complex than singleness, and has many struggles that singleness doesn’t have.

When Paul says that married people are concerned with “worldly” things, he doesn’t mean that in a bad sense. He is simply saying that they have a responsibility for the physical needs of their spouse and family. This is a good thing! However, it also adds a whole new level of complexity to the life of the believer. Paul’s point is not that marriage is bad and singleness is good – he sees them as equally valuable. Rather, Paul is contrasting the complexity of marriage with the simplicity of singleness. The simplicity of singleness empowers the single believer toward “undistracted devotion to the Lord” (v. 25).

As he penned these words, Paul probably thought of his own life as a single person. He had the freedom to travel the world, preaching the gospel in many different places, enduring shipwrecks and imprisonment for the sake of the gospel. If Paul were married it would have been much harder – probably impossible – to do those things.

Paul is trying to shift our perspective – rather than viewing singleness as something bad and as a problem to be solved, we should view singleness as an opportunity for greater devotion to the Lord!

There is no question that single people have great freedom. The question is: how are we using that freedom? One of the greatest opportunities of the single Christian is also one of the greatest potential struggles: staying devoted to the Lord.

Single people have more freedom to go where they want to go and do what they want to do. But with this freedom comes the temptation to live self-centered lives. Christian community is key here. Paul writes in Romans 12:5, “So in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”

Christian community is not optional. If you’re a Christian, you are created for and called to community with other believers. The Apostle Paul describes the Christian church with the language of family, using the term “the household of God” for the church, and terms like “brother”, “sister”, “father”, “mother”, and “children” to refer to different members of the church. He never married and never had children, yet he called Titus “my true child” in Titus 1:4 and he called Timothy “my true child” in 1 Timothy 1:2.

The church is a family, so we ought to act like it. The church ought to look more like a large family unit, not merely a collection of individual family units that keep to themselves.

While all believers are called to Christian community, I would argue that single people have the greatest need to be included and to feel included in the church family. Young people who are not yet married desperately need to see examples of what godly marriage looks like. I was blessed to grow up with two parents who have been faithfully married for many years and have given my brother and I an amazing example of what a godly marriage looks like. Unfortunately, many young people today have never really seen what a healthy Christian marriage looks like. How are they going to be ready for marriage if they don’t have an accurate picture of it?

If you’re married, your marriage could be that example in the life of a single person. Reach out to the single people in your church. Invite them over for dinner with your family. Include them in the church community.

Single people like myself don’t have the intimacy and friendship that comes from a spouse, so it’s easy to feel lonely and isolated. However, being single doesn’t mean that you are doomed to feel lonely all the time. I’m going to let you in on a little secret: There is a way for single people to experience friendship and even intimacy with other people, without falling into sin. It’s called Christian community!

When single people have meaningful, healthy friendships with other believers, they are much less likely to seek out that intimacy in unhealthy relationships or sexual sin. Married believers: be intentional about welcoming single Christians into the church community and into your family. Single believers: seek after community, get connected with a church, and maximize your singleness!

It may not feel like it, but the time that you have as a single person is precious. It’s a gift. It’s an awesome opportunity! One day, if God calls you to marriage, your life will no longer have the freedom and simplicity that it has now. The precious time that you have right now – you will never have it back again. Will you have used it for God’s glory, or wasted it on selfish desires?

Don’t wait until marriage to start serving God. Serve God now. Serve God as a single person. The two greatest commandments are “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you’re not sure how to serve God, start with these commandments.

One thing that the Lord has called me to do is volunteer with an organization called the U.S. Committee for Refugees and Immigrants (USCRI). We work with refugees in the Albany area. These are folks who had to flee from their countries because of war or persecution. Many of them are from the Middle East, Southeast Asia, or the Congo. Some of them are Muslims. Many of them are Christians who suffered horrible persecution in their home countries. USCRI works with refugees who came through the legal immigration system and were given legal status by the U.S. government to start a new life in the U.S., and they came to settle in the Albany area. These refugees face many challenges and USCRI helps them to learn English, find housing, find jobs, and navigate the culture, the transportation system, and the healthcare system. My role is a patient navigator, meaning I provide transportation to take refugees to doctor’s appointments and I help them to understand and navigate the healthcare system. It’s hard enough for us as Americans to understand the healthcare system – now imagine if you just arrived in the country and you don’t speak English. The work I’m doing with USCRI has been extremely rewarding and I’ve seen the Lord use me to show the love of Christ to people who, as Jesus said in Matthew 25, are truly “whatever you did to the least of these, you did to me.”

But I definitely wouldn’t have the time to do this, if I had a wife and family. Of all the people who volunteer at the USCRI, the vast majority of them are single people. There is a reason for that!

To all the single people out there: Make use of this time while you have it! Don’t let it go to waste! Pray for God to give you opportunities, and to make known to you his unique calling for your life. There are many ways to love God and love others. For example:

• You could serve in the church – with the video team, as an usher or greeter, in the children’s fellowship.
• You could serve the homeless at a city mission or soup kitchen.
• You could build houses with Habitat for Humanity.
• You could go on a missions trip and preach the gospel around the world or around the country.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “I just graduated college, I’m working over 40 hours a week at an entry level job making almost no money, plus I have tons of college debt, and you’re talking to me about volunteering? Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

You may not think you have time. But you do have time. If you don’t think you have time now, wait until you’re married! Then wait until you have kids!

God often puts an act of service on our hearts, but we ignore it because we “don’t have time”. We feel busy and stressed constantly, but what are we actually doing? If we take an honest look at our lives, we might find that we spend a large percentage of our time pursuing entertainment and the things of this world. Rather than just assuming we “don’t have time” to serve God and love other people, maybe we need to re-evaluate how we spend our time. The Bible talks about “redeeming the time, for the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16). How could we re-arrange our lives to prioritize more time for serving God? This is an exercise all believers should do. But single Christians – being unencumbered by the responsibilities of a spouse and family – have the greatest opportunity to free up time for God.

When it comes to serving God, get creative. Think outside the box. For example, the next time a hurricane hits Louisiana, you could literally take one week off work, drive down there, rebuild people’s houses, make a huge impact on the lives of hurting people, and then come back. We often shrug these ideas off as “unrealistic” and “impossible”. However, there are many Christian organizations that want to help you do exactly these kinds of things. One I recommend is Samaritan’s Purse – you can volunteer with them and they handle all of the organization. They do incredible work to help rebuild people’s lives after disasters. And they are a Christian organization and they are outspoken about doing the work “in Jesus name”!

Could a married person do these things? Absolutely! But it’s a lot more complicated, especially if kids are involved. The beauty of singleness is the simplicity of singleness. Singleness opens up an incredible opportunity for single-minded devotion to the Lord!

In his book Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness and Dating, Marshall Segal writes:

“Marriage murders spontaneity – not entirely, but massively. One of your greatest spiritual gifts as a single person is your ‘yes’. Yes to a random phone conversation. Yes to coffee. Yes to help with the move. Yes to stepping in when someone’s sick… You have the unbelievable freedom to say ‘yes’ when married people can’t even ask the question. When the spouse doesn’t exist yet, you cannot hurt him or her with the selfless, impulsive decisions you make to serve others. If you get married, you will not always have the same freedom. Be willing to say ‘yes’ and be a blessing to others.”

The devil is always whispering in the ear of the single person, saying: “You are a failure. You will never be happy and you will never have fulfilment in life until you get a spouse.” That is a lie.

True fulfilment in life doesn’t come from a spouse. It comes from serving God and loving others.Don’t wait for a spouse to start serving God. Serve God now!

If you’re not yet married, I believe this is the time in your life when you need to develop your relationship with God the most. Too many people go into marriage with a weak relationship with God, hoping their spouse’s faith will somehow compensate for that. The truth is, your relationship with God must be strong now while you are still single, or you won’t be ready for the challenges of marriage to begin with. Your spouse cannot be a replacement for your relationship with God.

We are tempted to think “Once I get married, I’ll feel fulfilled.” But our spouse cannot be perfect and will always fall short. So then the temptation is to look to children for fulfilment, and think “Once I have kids, then I’ll feel fulfilled.” But once you have kids, you’ll say, “Okay, once the kids are grown and I don’t have to deal with them anymore, then I can finally relax and feel fulfilled!” We keep kicking the can down the road, looking for something in the future to bring us fulfillment. But we don’t need to do that. Fulfillment in life is available right now and it’s found only in Jesus Christ.

Throughout scripture we see story after story of individuals who found God satisfied them more than anything this world has to offer could possibly satisfy them! As Blaise Pascal once said, every person has a God-shaped hole inside of themselves, which only God can fill. As Augustine once said, we are restless until we find out rest in God.

Looking unto God with simple, single-minded devotion, the anthem of every believer should be: “All I want to do is serve God!”